Tighten the Reins on the Rising Cost of Horse Care

Is the money fairy generously blessing any of you, of late?  I can't think of anyone in the current economy who is actually thriving -- most of us are barely surviving.  We horse people are possibly getting hit harder than most, as the price of feed has gone up disproportionately compared to the rest of the rising costs we're all contending with.  Horses have always been a costly enough endeavor.  A few years ago I tooled checkbook covers for some horsey friends with an image of a trotting horse on the front.  One of them pointed out to me that it was symbolic, since we horse owners are always reaching for our checkbooks.

I had to crunch a lot of numbers in recent months to try to combat those ever-rising horse bills and my ever-slowing cash flow.  (Cash flow?  How about a cash trickle?)  In hopes that my hours with the calculator will help others streamline their own barn budgets, I wrote an article on Hubpages that I'll share with you here.  None of these suggestions will be new to you, I'm sure -- but perhaps you never sat down, as I did, and did the math to see what a difference a few changes can make.

Save Money on Your Horse Expenses

I sincerely hope that you can use some of these tips.  Please let me know what you think.

Update:  Now, I'm adding a way to spend money, too.  There are some products I've found well worth the extra money -- either they save you time enough, labor enough, or they end up preventing you from spending more money farther down the bridle path.  Take a look, and feel free to comment!

 Five Barn Products Worth the Extra Money

The Problem with Avoiding the Problem Horse

Many beginning horse owners, and anyone who has had plural horses for plural years, has likely experienced it:  the problem horse.  I'm referring to behavioral problems, not unsoundness or other issues.  I'm talking about the horse that bucks, spooks, kicks, bolts, tries to run back to the barn, or does those many other things that have a way of making our lives more interesting than fun.  They may be high strung or fearful or simply mean -- but regardless of the specific issue, they're a problem.

The problem with the problem horse in our barn is we tend to avoid them.  If we have other horses to choose from, we will pick them for that quick ride just before the rain hits.  We'll want to ride the other horse for the long ride where we don't want to deal with the problem horse's issues.  We'll most certainly leave the problem horse at home when we're headed off to a big group ride -- because, quite rightfully, we don't want our problem to trigger the same behavior in everyone else's horses.

If an owner has only one horse, and he's a problem horse, they'll often get into a cycle of avoidance altogether.  It's not fun dealing with constant misbehavior -- so they'll leave him in his stall until they have enough time, or patience, to deal with him.  Perhaps they'll grow fearful, and be too intimidated to get him out at all.  As we all know, horses get tougher to handle as they're ignored -- so the next time the owner brings the horse out, he's even worse, and as a result, they ignore him for even longer.  You can see how quickly that cycle becomes worse and worse as time progresses.  The horse becomes  more problematic; the owner more fearful or unwilling to deal with him; and so on, until the horse is an old, unusable problem horse, or a dangerous horse for the next person to ride.

Here's the problem with avoiding the problem horse:  the more we avoid them, the worse the problem becomes.  It's like avoiding a health issue because of fear:  it's not going to go away, and it will likely just get worse.  The irony of problem horses is (especially as pertains to those of us who own several), problem horses require MORE of our attention than any other horse in the barn, but in most situations they receive LESS than all the others.  It's not something to feel guilty about; it's something to think about, and be aware of.

One thing that feeds the cycle is that the problem horse (for this post, we'll name our problem horse "Osama" because these horses are often terrorists, and are capable of hurting us) requires more time than the others.  What might take two minutes with our reliable Ol' Blue may take several hours with Osama.  Blue will hop right in the trailer; Osama takes three hours of battle.  Blue will lower his head and let you clip his ears; Osama will snort and flip over backwards at the sight of the clippers.  You can hop on Blue bareback in the barn and trot off for a trail ride in unexplored terrain without any fuss; Osama requires 30 minutes of round pen work, a helmet, and another calm horse alongside to advance across the street.

They require patience.  Unfortunately, they're most likely to push our own buttons and cause us to respond with anger, frustration, irritability, and sometimes brutality -- not to mention neglect, as discussed above.  They require us to take that cleansing breath, walk away for a few minutes, and compose ourselves so we don't undo the training we've been trying to accomplish.  Then -- at some point -- we might lose it after all and get too heavy-handed with them, and we undo the trust issue completely.  They test us and we respond with fear and anger.

As I pondered this blogpost earlier this morning, I got to thinking how often this same situation comes up in our own human relations.  We work the least hard at the relationships that require it the most.  I wonder what would happen if we invested more time in those difficult relationships, trying to build trust and communication skills just as we do with our horses?

In my next post, I'll offer some thoughts on a strategy that may work wonders with your own problem horse -- the "15-minutes to a better horse" plan.  Meantime, if you've got an Osama in your barn, just think about how much time you are spending with him.  Keep a journal or just make a note in your day planner of how much time, and what you did, with each interaction with him.  If you have multiple horses, compare that amount of time to the time you spend with each other horse.  You may shake your head one day soon and say, "No wonder Osama isn't as reliable as Ol' Blue."

Photo (c) 2013 MJ Miller

Copyright 2013 by MJ Miller

All Rights Reserved

No part of this article may be reproduced without the permission of the author, but a link to this page may be freely shared.

Horse Friends Forever!

This is a tribute to horse friends.

Not the barn full of friends in furry coats, ears eagerly pricked forward as I approach; no, this is to the legion of friends I've made because of, or through, or on the backs of horses.  It's a difficult post to write, because if I tried to properly acknowledge each of the hundreds of friends I've got thanks to our shared love of horses, it would be nothing  more than a list of credits rolling slowly across your screen -- so I must be cruel and select just a few to make my point.

That point is that horse friends seem to "stick" where other friends -- work friends, high school friends, neighbors -- seem to fall away as soon as you no longer work where they do, and have long since graduated, or have moved away.  Unless, however, there was also horsiness in common.  Those friends  seem to be as faithful as flies are to a barnyard -- but in a much nicer way, of course.

I'm well into middle age right now -- and many of my horse friends have ridden there with me.  My dear friend Cindy has done so for the past 38 years.  If our friendship was a horse event, it would be an endurance ride.   I still recall meeting Cindy in grade school and learning that she, too, was horse crazy.  Before long we were riding together, and not much longer still before we were doing crazy things on horseback -- meeting boys among them.  For every story I could tell on Cindy, though, she can tell one right back on me, so I'll avoid them (for now).  One thing I will say about Cindy is this:  somehow we still find new ways to sustain our horsey interests.  Recently Cindy joined us for an afternoon of ranch sorting.  I was amazed at the recognition that we were, once again, sharing a new riding adventure together -- decades after our first childhood rides.  It was Cindy I was riding with on the day that Elvis died; that thought always puts it into perspective for me -- our horsey friendship has marked many such historical, and personal, milestones.

Cindy is not only my horse friend of the longest duration, she's the horse friend who shared all the adventures of horse ownership with me -- the fun times and the challenging ones alike.  She's the friend who could be counted on to do "mare watch" with me (or for me, on the many nights I was working when a mare was due).  Many a night she spent in the barn with me, sprawled out on bales of straw with a flashlight in hand.  Many was the time she'd leave me that message, "No wax yet, Marce."

Through all of our thousands of hours side by side in the saddle, Cindy has greeted it all with her trademark good nature, sense of humor, and amused-but-pained expression at the predicaments I get her into.

When I was 17, I had the combined good fortune and misfortune of working at one of the premier Arabian ranches in the nation.  At the time, the "Arabian Industry," as it was called, was at its most lavish and opulent peak.  Not everyone I encountered was friend-worthy; there were definitely some co-workers at the ranch who weren't keepers.  But the ones I did keep are among the best friends imaginable:  Merrie and Denise.  Merrie has long been one of the nation's top riders and trainers; Denise has returned to horses again after a bit of an absence (just proving that horses aren't something you just give up -- they always seem to come back into your life one way or another).  

Merrie and Denise have long since left Arizona, and all our lives took dramatically different paths -- yet our friendships have endured.  They are the sort of amazing women that populate the horse world.  I could write chapters on the nooks and crannies of our unique, but interrelated, experiences with horses.

One interesting thing about horse friends is that they are often long-distance friends, but close in spirit.  There's Jim, in Oklahoma, whom I've loved talking horses with for years.  I'm thankful not just for his dear friendship across the miles, but for entrusting me with his very special horse Buck when it came time to sell him.  Horses bring great friends into our lives; horse friends often bring great horses into our lives as well.  Jerri, in Arkansas, became a friend when she saw a photo of my mare, Hollywood Royal Lady, on the internet -- and thought there was a striking resemblance to her own palomino gelding.  As it turned out, our horses are closely related, and our interests are, as well.  

Sometimes it seems each horse has brought a special person into my life with them:  after all, Chica brought me Sue.  Chica is a beautiful stinker of a horse; she's gorgeous and powerful, but she's a handful of a mare, and she was not an ideal family horse for Sue's family.  When I bought her, I was fortunate enough to not only acquire a mare that I love but a friend I adore.  Chica, for all your challenging ways, I will always owe you for that gift of friendship.

Horse friends are multigenerational, too.  Sue's daughter, Kelsey, is one of my younger horse friends.  Emily and Krissy are much-adored friends who were once my riding students when they were children.  Horses bridge the years.  One wondrous thing about them is that they give us the chance to ride with people outside our immediate sociodemographic niche.  I'm not much of a kid person, but the contact I do have with them is usually in the saddle or leaning on a rail.  

Not all my horse friends are female, of course.  One of my favorites happens to be my now-husband, Russ.  I met him on horseback.  We met on a 150-mile trail ride in New Mexico.  Who'd have thought a knight in shining armor would ride up on a horse named Chuck?  

Those long trail rides also brought me the treasure who is Beth.  Beth was one of those "friends at first sight" who soon became family.  Sometimes there's that immediate connection, just as there is with the horses we meet; it was also that way with Sharri.  Some friends are really sisters under the skin, and that's the only way to describe Beth and Sharri.  The afternoon I spent gathering cattle in Colorado with Sharri, and subsequent trail rides we've had here in Arizona, are highlights of recent years.  Beth and Sharri live in different states, but horse friendship knows no borders.

Our friend Tony visits us from Denmark, and we look forward to those annual rides together.  Horses are great ambassadors, and our big gelding Gus (above) enjoyed Tony's visit as much as we did.  

Not all of our horse-friends have ridden so many miles with us, though.  In the past year we were fortunate enough to meet Michael, Carolyn, Dale, and several other new friends through the cattle sorting events. Horse friends aren't limited editions; new, wonderful people continue to ride into our lives.  Times change, wrinkles accrue, and our horses come and go with lifespans all too short:  but horse friends are a constant.  In keeping with the text-speak of our time, I'll end with this:  HFF.  Horse Friends Forever.

What is it About Chasing Cows?

I don't know what it is about chasing cattle around that's so darned much fun.  Is it the speed?  (Not when I'm riding, it isn't.  My cow horses are pretty slow, actually.)  Is it the bovine psychology involved, and knowing exactly how to move them effectively?  Or is it something primal, visceral, in our DNA that hearkens back to a time when we had to pursue zebus around the cradle of civilization, stones and clubs in hand?

My husband and I are addicted to team sorting.  We're not particularly good at it -- we don't even compete.  We go to sorting practice most weekends, and we chase numbered cows from one pen to the adjacent pen.  Then we chase them back again.  Now, that might sound like a cowboy version of the old military exercise of digging a hole, then filling it in and digging another, but it's just darned FUN.  I really don't know why this activity, unlike any other team sport I've engaged in, has captured my interest so fully -- but it has me.

For those of you who don't know what team sorting is, but might have wondered why all those poor cows are running around with numbers on their backs, here's the scoop (or, since cattle are involved, we'll call it "the poop").  In team sorting (as opposed to single-person or single-man sorts) two riders enter a small round pen occupied by ten numbered cattle (0 - 9) and maybe an extra non-numbered cow or two.  In under a minute's time, the riders must bring each cow, one at a time and in order, from the first pen into an adjacent pen through an opening referred to as "the hole."  If a cow runs back into the first pen, or if they get out of order, the ride is disqualified.

I've always loved following a cow (or a herd of cattle) around on a horse.  I even had the wonderful opportunity to chase buffalo around on horseback one brief and shining summer when I was young.  Having the chance to do so weekly is making me feel like a kid all over again.  The horses love it; we don't push them to the point where they're angry and sour.  We want them to enjoy it, as we do.  We like that it makes them think, it challenges them, and that they look at is as a sort of game.

My good ol' girl, Hollywood Royal Lady, turns 26 in April.  From what I can tell, Holly had never seen a cow before the age of 25.    I had the brainstorm of taking her to the sorting.  She was apprehensive and unsure what those stinky critters were -- but suddenly she was lunging at the fence every time the cattle came by.  She loves chasing cows as much as I do -- and just as innately.  She pins her ears, trots along behind them, and moves sideways like a crab when necessary -- and it's instinctive.  Thanks to her breeding, she just knew how to work them.

Boot Scootin' Bandit, my beloved buckskin, was pretty burned out on anything having to do with cattle since his days as an arena roping horse.  Moving cattle from pen to pen, though, has restored his faith in bovine-dom.  Ol' Buck isn't as crazy about it as Holly, but he clearly is relaxed and happy when we're out there together.  Soon I hope all of our horses will be trained on cows -- just for the fun of it.  Standby when we take the half-draft half-gaited moose, Gus, for his first practice!  He's not exactly light on his feet.  At least he's big enough to cover the entire hole without moving.

If you're interested in teaching your horse how to sort, here's my article on horse-meet-cow to help you out:  Introducing Your Sorting Horse to Cattle.  If you live in the Phoenix area (or are looking for a great excuse to get away from the cold and enjoy our Arizona warmth), my friend Dale is hosting a cattle introduction clinic on February 17th, 2013, for sorting and penning horses.  It's aimed at those of you who've either never worked cattle, or who want to introduce your horse to cattle in a safe, slow, low-pressure environment, while having the benefit of some professional coaching and encouragement.  Here's Dale's email:  drdarnold@live.com.  The clinic is a very affordable $100 for four hours of instruction, mounted work, and one-on-one coaching.  (Auditors may attend for $20.)

While I'm singing Dale's praises here, I'll add that Dale takes horses in for training, too.  Those of you who know me know I won't recommend a trainer unless I know them to be patient, kind, non-abusive, honest, competent, and just all-around-good people.

Hope to see you in the sorting pen!

An Open Letter to Craigslist Horse Sellers

It's a tough time to sell a horse.  I know that.  The market is appalling, and good horses are being sold at killer prices -- sadly, oftentimes to killers.  My heart bleeds each time I read the Craigslist ads and see some darned nice horses being marketed for months at ridiculously low prices.  My wallet bleeds, too, when I look out at a couple of my own nice horses that aren't selling.  It's just a rough time for the economy, and as goes the economy, so goes the horse world.

But much of the time when I read the local Craigslist ads, I get frustrated.  Frustrated because a lot of horse people are their own worst enemy when it comes to selling their horse.  For that reason, I'd like to offer a little bit of advice from a chronic reader of horse ads.  Please take it in the spirit intended:  I'd like to see good horses get a fair shot at a good home.  A few simple tips may help you write a better ad that will give your horse that chance.  This post is limited just to tips on writing your ad.  It doesn't even begin to go into detail about preparing your horse for potential buyers, and the conditioning, training, and other aspects of marketing.

First, provide adequate information.  Writing "female horse must sale" isn't going to have people knocking down your barn door.  At minimum, in the title of the ad, provide the basics:  age, breed, and gender.  The body of your ad should repeat the age, breed, and gender, and should also give a good overview of the horse's training level, soundness and condition, disposition, aptitudes, and good habits.  Indicate whether the horse is gentle or high-strung, and whether he's beginner safe, child-safe, or for an experienced rider.  Be honest.  If you're respectful of people's time and safety, you'll also advise of any bad habits or things that need some work.

Proofread your ad.  (By the way, it isn't "must sale," it's "must sell.")  If you have to, cut and paste from  your word processing program so you can run spell-check on everything.  It's not that you need to be a Pulitzer prize winning novelist to sell your horse; it's just that, as in everything, that first impression can make the difference in whether or not the buyer picks up the phone and calls you.  Marketing DOES make a difference -- why else do major corporations spend millions of dollars each year in advertising?

Be knowledgeable.  Don't advertise that your horse is "15.5 hands."  One hand equals four inches.  There IS no 15.5 hands; a horse that is 15 and a half hands tall is 15.2 hands, not 15.5.  If you don't sound as if you know what you're talking about, you're not going to have experienced horsemen come look at your horse.  Know the difference between a mare, a gelding, and a stallion.  One good friend and I like to swap bad Craigslist ads back and forth.  Some of them are priceless.  No matter how we laugh at the ones we've placed in our own Craigslist Horse Ad Hall of Shame, you know what? We won't go look at the horses in the really bad ads.  When it comes to selling a horse, not all publicity is good publicity.

Now here's what I'd really like to tackle:  the photographs you use.  A photo taken in a stall, looking down upon the horse who is eating hay off the ground while standing in the shadow, is worse than no photo at all.  Here are some ground rules for decent non-professional photographs:

• Spend the time brushing or (gasp!) washing your horse beforehand.  Clip the horse if you have clippers -- at minimum,  clip the muzzle, bridle path, and back of the legs. If you don't know how to handle the clippers properly, have a friend do this for you.  You don't want Champion to have bad razor burns when you take his photo.
• Brush his mane and tail.  If you've washed him, let him dry.  Photos of wet horses are a no-no.
• If you have Show Sheen or other coat conditioners, use them.  You want your horse to shine and look healthy.
• Use a leather show halter if you have one.  If you don't, or can't borrow one, use your best-looking barn halter.
• Have an assistant hold the horse, or saddle him and tie him to a hitching post.  It's difficult and frustrating taking good photos of a horse unless you have someone to help -- unless you dedicate enough time that you can wait until Trigger strikes a good pose.  
• If your horse is a purebred, have him posed appropriately for the breed.  For example, Saddlebreds should camp out in back, with their weight distributed primarily on the forehand; Arabians should stand with their necks stretched and arched, and one rear leg extended farther behind than the other; Quarter horses and paints should be squared up and photographed to emphasis their hips and hindquarters.  Please note that this is a very, very brief description.  Just know that you should know the breed of your horse and how that breed should be posed.
• If you can't find someone to spend ten minutes holding your horse for the photo, and you decide to take photos of him loose in the corral, pick up the manure piles first.  Pick a good backdrop -- not the pile of junk in the corner of the yard, but a clean, uncluttered place.  Scenic views are better yet, but if you don't have that luxury, chose a location that is as simple and uncluttered as possible.  Posing him against some thick shrubs is ideal; the side of a tackroom is appropriate.  
• Try to avoid having other horses in the photo.  No one appreciates those ads where there are four horses and you have to guess which one is for sale.  It's like seeing an online dating photo of four  men and wondering if the one you're corresponding to is the short fat guy holding the six-pack, or the hot dude standing beside him displaying his six-pack.  Disappointment is inevitable.
• The photo should be taken at horse-level.  Don't sit on the rail and take the photo from above, even at an angle.  The best horse photos are at the level of the horse's body, not his head and not his feet.  Center yourself and crouch low enough to get the photo.  It's uncomfortable but it's good for your quads.
• Horses grazing in a field are beautiful.  That's a great pose for a calendar.  It is a lousy pose for a sales photo.  When a horse extends his neck downward, you can't see anything about the way his front end is put together.  If your horse is eating, remove the food so you can get a better photograph.
• Ears (the horse's, not yours) should be forward.  An otherwise great photograph can be ruined by a lackluster expression.  If you have an assistant, have them hold something interesting in front of the horse to get his attention.  Take LOTS of photos so you can select the right one.
• If your horse is trained, get an action shot under saddle.  Show how he's stepping nicely over a log, or performing a sliding stop.  If he works on cattle or has been in a parade, those are great photos to show what he can do.
• If the only tack you have is a rat-chewed bridle with a grazing bit and a faded fluffy orange bareback pad, take your picture without the tack.  Don't advertise your own amateurishness.  Let the buyer figure that out for himself.
• I don't know how the trend started, but it seems that the thing every neighborhood "professional trainer" does to sell a horse these days is to stand up on his back.  For me, that doesn't do much.  I don't care if I can stand on a horse's back -- I care how he performs.  But if you want to be trendy, and your horse is broke enough to do it safely, go for it.  It must work, or so many people wouldn't be climbing up on their horse's back to demonstrate the latest party trick, right?  Don't get hurt for the sake of your photo!
• If possible, include one full-body photo taken perpendicular to the horse to best show his conformation and condition.  Get the whole horse in it!  Don't lop off his feet, and don't pose him in weeds to hide what might be overgrown hooves or under-run heels.  Get another photo that plays up his best feature.  If he has a beautiful head, get a side shot of his head.  Please don't include photos of his head from the front.  That's not an attractive pose and does nothing for the potential buyer.
• Get another shot from the front showing the legs (again, from the horse's level, not from above) and one from behind, also showing the legs.
• Do remember the rule of outdoor photography:  have the sun to your back.  All of the above is meaningless if your horse is in the shadows and there's nothing but a silhouette.
• Don't break any of the rules of horsemanship or horse care in your photo.  Don't show a horse with a gaping wound, or tied unsafely to a wheelbarrow, or trotting on the asphalt.  Don't show him being ridden badly.  If I see a photo of someone ripping a horse's head off with heavy hands, I'm not going to look at him unless I'm determined to rescue him from his private hell. 

Please do include a photo with your ad.  Few people are going to inquire about a horse without it, and those who do are going to ask for photos before they make the drive out there anyway.  If you can't figure out how to upload a photo, your credibility will take a serious hit long before your buyer talks to you -- if they ever do.  Some of us -- and I'm included in this -- won't EVER look at a horse when there's no photo in the ad.  Saying "ask for photos" is tantamount to saying, "Don't bother asking for photos.  Either I can't be bothered or I really don't want to show you what Old Blue really looks like because he's 200 pounds underweight and hasn't been trimmed in six months."  

Below is an example of an adequate non-professional photo of a horse.  I deliberately chose an average photograph, taken without the assistance of a helper, to show what can easily be gotten by the amateur. It is not a "great" photo.  It is a useful photograph, though, taken from an appropriate angle and showing the horse's build, expression, condition, and overall health.

Next is a bad example.  This photo does nothing for the buyer except show that the filly is flashy.  It doesn't show her lovely conformation, the pleasant way she moves, or the pretty head she has.  The tools in the background are distracting.

Here is another appropriate photo.  Again, this is not a great photo.  It's a backyard photo that shows the horse under saddle and stepping politely over a small obstacle.  Despite the branch protruding from my head, it has visual appeal.   The background is pleasant and the horse appears willing and happy.  You can tell a few things about the horse from this photograph.  This is a good angle for the picture.

Here, because bad examples are simply more fun, is another bad example.  This is an example of an interesting photograph that does nothing to help the viewer decide if the horse is worth seeing.  The viewer is left to decide which horse is the one that is for sale; the horses are wet and muddy; and out of three horses, not one is shown to any sort of advantage.  The only useful information to be gleaned from this one is that the horses apparently can be turned out together.  At least they've all been clipped.

Good luck marketing Buttermilk.  I sympathize with everyone who is trying to sell a horse in today's market -- and hope this helps in some small way with your own sales effort.

How to be a Horse Whisperer

Many people think that horse whispering is all about round pen work, and games you play with your horses, and non-verbal communication, and letting the horse decide when he is ready to do what you're asking of him.  In reality, that's just not it at all.  You can do all those things and turn out a great horse, but you're not a horse whisperer unless you do even more.  It's not all about the horse.

First, you have to have a good western name.  You'll never make it in the high-stakes horse whispering game unless you're named Cody or Montana or Dallas.  Myron, you don't stand a chance.  Mike and Bill, you'll have to work harder than the Shooter down the street.  Got a woman's name?  Give it up.  More on that later.

Next, you'd better have had a dad who walloped the ever-lovin' bejeezus out of you.  If your father wasn't a low-down, no good cuss who never showed you love so that your  life was an endless cycle of shallow and angry relationships until the day you realized you could whisper, you'll be limited in how far you can go.

You've got to look the part.  This means having your own signature hat:  whether it's an Aussie hat, or a Stetson, or a battered old Resistol with the front brim turned way down from getting face-planted on that "gentle" mare someone put you on, you'd best have a gnarly looking hat to show what a rugged individualist you are.  If you don't have an ample ring of ancient sweat expanding upward from the hat band, buy some fake sweat.  This is important.

Learn how to look your client in the eye and grow silent for a  moment before uttering a strikingly tender statement with a totally straight face:  "Yep, ma'am, you know horses are just big huge babies, and we have to look out for 'em."  Pepper your speech with down home truisms and meaningful pearls of wisdom -- and never, ever laugh at your own  jokes.  Try not to smile too much; you want to look perpetually wounded, but in recovery.

Buy yourself a half-dead stallion with the same troubled past you had (or that you've claimed you had).  Make sure you can stand on his back.  No horse whisperer is worth two bits if he doesn't routinely stand on his horse's back.  Heck, never buy a horse unless there's a photo of some cowboy standing on his back, for that matter!  Really, as long as you have that, you can count on it being a damned fine horse.

Hang your arm over that horse's neck, right behind his head, as if he's the one and only true friend you ever had -- and don't acknowledge him too much.  Make him out to be more of a body part of your own than a sole and separate horse.  Give him a down-to-earth,  unpretentious name -- Chuck, or Willie, or Merle.

Now, the important part:  get some testicles.  I don't mean, "Grow some balls."  I mean, if you aren't a lonesome cowboy -- not a lonesome cowgirl -- you'll only whisper to the occasional client; you'll never whisper to the masses.  It's not that you won't be downright great at what you do with the horses; it's all about the clientele.  No matter how great your battered old hat is, and no matter how many times you stand on your horse's back, you just can't compete.  Yes, Virginia, it IS a man's world.

You see, the  most important thing of all is that connection with your customers -- well, your fan base, actually.  Because it's not that you're going to be a great symphonic pianist:  no, a good horse whisperer is a rock star.  And rock stars depend on women.  Groupies.  Your groupies as a horse whisperer will be somewhat different than the groupies Justin Bieber has, but you'll need them just as Biebs does.

Your groupies will be the hordes of middle-aged women who've reached a wistful time of life.  They're reflecting on where they are now and where they used to want to be when they were twelve and where the heck their teenage figure went.  They're returning to the horses of their youth in hopes of regaining that youth right alongside them, and they're often afraid.  They've realized they're not immortal and they want wings once again, but they're afraid to fly.

That's where you come in.  It's not about the horse.  It's about giving horses back to your fans.  It's connecting with them through your connection with the horse.  It's about laughter and tears and disclosure and epiphany.  It's about rediscovery and personal journeys.  They may never get on a horse again -- but give them the hope that they will.

It's a wonderful thing, and it's important.   Next time you're out there standing tall on your old horse Waylon's back, look into those faces, cherish the opportunities they've given you, and give them back their wings.

(c) 2012 MJ Miller

All rights reserved

Oh, The Things They'll Get Into!

It's amazing, isn't it?  The tight spots that these huge, docile creatures can get themselves into.  Above is Smart Lil Sassypants, my yearling.  She looks pretty proud of herself, doesn't she?  She is, for the most part, a very pragmatic little girl, wise beyond her years.  In fact, while she was stuck in the position shown here, she decided she'd just nibble on the hay in front of her.  Hay, like grass, is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Yet, calm and smart as Sassy is, she still managed to get herself stuck.  That's the thing about horses:  they can find infinite ways to get into trouble.  Over the years, I've repeatedly heard the old horseman's adage about how you can put a horse in a rubber stall, and they'll still find a way to get hurt.  I can't argue.

I had one little mare who turned her head around in the old horse trailer I had, and managed to get the rail jammed underneath her jawbone so that she was wedged in that position.  I won't tell you how I got her free, because I know you won't believe me.  Another horse came out of the same trailer on a pothole-choked dirt road -- while it was moving.  The butt-bar and the door were both closed properly.  The vibration of the bumpy road managed to jar loose the friction-operated latch, and the horse leaned against the side of the trailer to support himself -- which caused the butt-bar to pop free on one end.  Somehow that darned Thoroughbred slipped through the 18-inch gap between the butt bar and the center post.   To my utter astonishment, he wasn't injured.  He had some missing hair on his hip and a scrape mark on one hoof.  Thankfully, he wasn't tied -- I went through a period of time when I didn't like tying my horses in the trailer.  It saved that one's life.  The trailer went up for sale immediately -- for landscaper use only.

It's not always the horse who risks injury with their strange ability to get into mischief.  I had just finished riding and rinsing one beloved gelding, Oscar, one summer afternoon.  I picked up his front foot to check for rocks, and just about jumped out of my skin.  There, neatly hanging out in the groove of his frog, was a perfectly intact, uninjured scorpion.  He wasn't smashed into the hoof -- he was just hanging on.  I nearly got stung by a scorpion that was in my horse's hoof.  Now, could anyone have predicted that one?

I can't count the times I've had to cut a horse out of a fence, or flip them back over when they got hung up against a stall wall.  The way to do that, if you haven't had that opportunity yet, is to loop a fat rope lead around the back legs, stand back toward the shoulder, and flip them.  Get out of the way fast once they start coming over, and let go of the rope when they do.  I've nearly had to cut one's halter off, when she rubbed her nose on the hitching post after I'd dismounted and caught her nose piece on the horseshoes welded onto the hitching post to make it easy to tie to.  I've never seen a horse get hung up quite like that before.  The hitching post will soon be modified to have those foolish horseshoes removed.  I'll never understand why someone made a hitching post that way.  Anything that protrudes from a fence or rail is just waiting for a tied horse to get hung up on it.

Then there's Ziggy -- MJ Royal Smartypants.  Ziggy, a stud colt, had the advantage for several months of being turned out with a very gentle gelding, Frosty.  I eventually had to separate them, as Ziggy was discovering his stallion-hood and continually trying to take advantage of sweet, defenseless Frosty (who couldn't kick due to instability in the hindquarters.)  Although I quit putting them in the turnout together, I kept them in adjacent stalls when they were in the mare motel.  Darned if I didn't come out one morning to find Ziggy in Frosty's stall, happy and quiet.  He'd managed to slip beneath the rails -- and there wasn't much room to squeeze through, but Ziggy did it.  He must have flattened himself like a hamster to slip through that narrow gap.

Guess what?  Ziggy is the proud father of Sassy, the little filly above.  Like father, like daughter.  Sassy's mother?  Well, she's the mare who got caught on the hitching post.  It's no wonder Sassy has a big chunk of missing skin from her forehead this week -- she's genetically prone to get herself snagged. There's not a sharp object anywhere near her stall; I can't even figure out what she happened to do to herself.  She's having more than her share of filly-hood bumps and bruises of indeterminate origin.  She's following in her father's hoof-steps already.

Thankfully, across all the years, none of my horses have had a really significant, life-ending injury from their solo antics.  Not for lack of trying, of course -- they find new ways regularly, despite my constant efforts to create a safe environment for them. They still manage to get hurt, despite the effort and planning -- horses just have a knack for that.  You just never know what they're going to find to get into trouble with.  

Here, though, are just a few common hazards:

• Wire.  Wire fences, loose wire, wire that's exposed to them in any way.  Horses love to paw at wire and wedge it between their hooves and their shoes; they can find myriad ways to get stuck in it -- or stabbed by it.  If you've got wire fences, fasten it tightly to the rail at close intervals.  Nip off any protruding segments.  Consider anchoring it at ground level so a hoof can't slip underneath.
• Gaps between fence posts.  Heads and legs easily become stuck.
• Odd-shaped spaces in fencing, especially those that are narrower at top than at bottom.  Horses will pull their heads up as they're pulling back, so a keyhole shape is especially dangerous -- there may be plenty of room at bottom to free their heads, but as their heads rise, they become desperately stuck.  This can quickly become lethal, especially in younger horses.
• Gaps in feeders, especially those with narrow rails, that a lower jaw can get caught in.  I've known at least two horses who shattered their jaws by getting hung up on rail-type hay feeders.  
• Spaces beneath barn doors or partitions.  Horses can rip their hooves off when a foot gets stuck beneath a fixed object.
• Halters left on the horse.  Here, again, I've known horses who died as a result of having their halters left on.  Under NO circumstances should a standard web halter EVER be left on a youngster unsupervised.  This is the equine equivalent of leaving a child alone in a pool.  Disaster is imminent.  Even adult horses get hung up -- but they aren't as likely to break their necks.  
• Tying your horse to any object that is not fixed, solid, and heavy duty.  One of the ugliest set of injuries I've seen was to a beautiful mare who'd been tied to a wheelbarrow.  A wheelbarrow, folks!  That wheelbarrow chased that mare for miles through the desert when she took off running, and it still amazes me that she lived through her injuries.
• Tying your horse to a gate.  Please, just don't.

Remember, always have your camera at hand.  Someday, I'll embarrass Sassy by showing these photos to her high-school prom date.